Lost........

Isn't it amazing just how much you can eat when you put your mind to it. I ate 2 large packs of home wheat chocolate biscuits with 3 large snickers and topped off with a family bar of whole nut chocolate and also ate all my cheese and some cous cous as well. I wish I had an excuse or even a reason but there isn't any I'm just greedy and I like to abuse myself and sabotage any successes that I have. Who suffers from my actions only me I'm the one who feels lost and scared If I give in so easy to the urge to go buy chocolate and biscuits what hope have I got of managing my weight. I'm kinda lost at the moment I don't really know where I'm heading or what to do next. What do I want from my life? that's easy I want luv and someone to share my life with. Is that the problem I don't know where or how to find it. Did I think it was going to be easier once I lost weight and in truth it's harder now I'm slim because I got no where to hide. I need to put this weekend behind me and move on, I'm scared about next weekend all the family there and food and the knew slim me eating like it's going out of fashion, just to show them all that I'm going to be fat again in no time. Did I get anything out of last night I felt comforted while I was eating I was calm and happy and even now I don't really feel bad, just sad and disappointed. Even now I'm thinking about going to my mum's but stopping at mcdonalds on the way and having mcmuffins, why is that? where is it coming from? I'm feeling sad from what I've eaten and therefore need comfort, is food going help in the long term? No all that will happen is I will feel more sad and therefore need more comfort leading to more food. The vicious circle of this weekend will continue. If I don't eat what will happen? In the short term I will have a bit of a struggle but longer term I will benefit my body will be able to start dealing with my weekend off the wagon. This has been my biggest lapse of the last 5 months, that is one good thing that I can say about myself and the place I am right now. Is this where I'm at right now? the urge to buy mcmuffins is nearly over whelming why is it? where is it coming from? I really don't know what to do? I'm so lost.