Finally....

over the weekends antics, I dropped back bellow 14 stone this morning so I'm hopefull to maybe get another llb or 2 before tomorrow. I guess the weekend did rather wake me up to just how easy it is to get into a bing cycle. I will look out for it and get off a lot earlier in future I hope. I wonder if its booze in general that depresses me or just the wine, I'm considering drinking beer on Saturday rather then wine and see what happens. I'm not going to drink on Friday night I'm going to make excuses and drive home so I can cycle early Saturday morning. I'm looking forward to having Friday off, I'm going to go get my blood test done early before doing some shopping and then heading down to Kent.
I seem to get depressed every now and then I think it's partly tiredness and was to do with the booze that I had drunk. I'm going to go for a walk now just round the block before having a nice bath and then bed.

A tough day..

But I survived just about. I have just got to get through tomorrow and I'll be fine I think I weighed myself this morning and I was 14 st 1 llb, I'm nearly back at where I started on mangerment I'm hoping that I can maybe drop a llb or 2 before WI on Wednesday. I have drunk loads of water today and will do the same tomorrow. This has proved to be a very hard thing to get over, I felt like I was in shock today with a hollow pit in my stomach. The weekend has really scared me and has really woken me up to the fact that it would be really easy to put the weight back on really quickly. I have got to some how come with a diet that includes all food but in moderation and I am going to drink less booze for now I was extremely down after going out on Friday night. It's still a learning curve and I've still got a long way to go. I have definately got to get more sleep and do my best not to get tired. I told them at work today that the early starts need to come to an end at the end of the month. They have said they will sort things out so we will see.

Feeling a .....

little better now. I did sucumb to the mcmuffins this morning but then went down to my mum's and worked through alot of stuff with her. I'm going to follow up my the life coaching and also the scuba diving. I am just seeing out the day now I will have some tuna for my tea and then have an early night. I have got to be up at 4 in the morning again. I've also decided that work have till the end of august to stop the early mornings or at the very least alternative weeks. I can't cope with being tired all the time I'm absolutely sure its a trigger point for my binging.

Lost........

Isn't it amazing just how much you can eat when you put your mind to it. I ate 2 large packs of home wheat chocolate biscuits with 3 large snickers and topped off with a family bar of whole nut chocolate and also ate all my cheese and some cous cous as well. I wish I had an excuse or even a reason but there isn't any I'm just greedy and I like to abuse myself and sabotage any successes that I have. Who suffers from my actions only me I'm the one who feels lost and scared If I give in so easy to the urge to go buy chocolate and biscuits what hope have I got of managing my weight. I'm kinda lost at the moment I don't really know where I'm heading or what to do next. What do I want from my life? that's easy I want luv and someone to share my life with. Is that the problem I don't know where or how to find it. Did I think it was going to be easier once I lost weight and in truth it's harder now I'm slim because I got no where to hide. I need to put this weekend behind me and move on, I'm scared about next weekend all the family there and food and the knew slim me eating like it's going out of fashion, just to show them all that I'm going to be fat again in no time. Did I get anything out of last night I felt comforted while I was eating I was calm and happy and even now I don't really feel bad, just sad and disappointed. Even now I'm thinking about going to my mum's but stopping at mcdonalds on the way and having mcmuffins, why is that? where is it coming from? I'm feeling sad from what I've eaten and therefore need comfort, is food going help in the long term? No all that will happen is I will feel more sad and therefore need more comfort leading to more food. The vicious circle of this weekend will continue. If I don't eat what will happen? In the short term I will have a bit of a struggle but longer term I will benefit my body will be able to start dealing with my weekend off the wagon. This has been my biggest lapse of the last 5 months, that is one good thing that I can say about myself and the place I am right now. Is this where I'm at right now? the urge to buy mcmuffins is nearly over whelming why is it? where is it coming from? I really don't know what to do? I'm so lost.

Sabotage

I guess I know what happened last night I went out got drunk and then had ribs, chicken and chips followed by chocolate (lots of chocolate) I have done a thought log but to be honest I think its more about punishing myself and undermining the great weight loss I have done. This is something I have always done but it has been getting less lately. I don't like having to be in control and I think going out for a drink gave me the excuse to let go and binge. I believe I have got other issues to work through, such as low self esteem and lack of confidence. I think I'm going to look to maybe do some counselling, the weight loss is a great first step but I need to move onto the next thing now. I know there's more I need to do but I have absolutely no idea what it is. It could be that this is my lot but I want to try and see what else is out there and more importantly if there is more within me.

Proper food...

I just had home made spaghetti bolgnaise with pasta and it tasted great, I'm feeling full and satisfied as well so I'm just having a coffee and I'll have a yogurt later on after I've had my walk. I'm feeling so much more confident now that I've got the added reasurance of my body fat measurement, I'm so glad I bought them scales they are going to be so useful to me in the future. I'm only going to take 1 day at a time but I'm feeling very positive at the moment.

I went and had my top half waxed again this afternoon and I'm sure it hurt more this time than it did the first time, I was really smarting at times. Oh well no pain no gain I guess. I'm meeting the lads from work tomorrow night for a few drinks, It's about time I got myself out there and starting to live my new life.

Fantastic...

Doesn't always pay to save money, I wish I'd splashed out on the better scales a few weeks ago. My body fat percentage is really good at 17.2% therefore proving my thoughts that I was building muscle and it was that which was keeping my weight up. I will keep weighing myself everyday for the time being but I will be stretching the period towards once a week eventually. After talking to my LLC I'm going to start eating more normally, it's no good saying I'm not on the diet but secretly eating diet food. I have been living on mostly salads and these aren't able to give my body the energy it needs leading to my body wanting more food. The scales have given me the confidence that I can start eating in a more normal manor. The salad at lunchtimes is something I'll be continuing and also the raw vegetables for morning break which I really enjoy and find extremely fulling and sub staining. I'm going to try and cut down on my fruit and see what happens, I'm really hoping that I can continue eating fruit though as I luv fruit for breakfast and also my apples during the day. I have bought yogurt as replacement for an apple and nectarine so that's a start. I will make sugar free jelly this evening so I can have yogurt and jelly for sweet rather than fruit. I'm going to go out for a drink tomorrow night it's about time I went out and started showing off the new slim me. I'll sort out some decent clothes to wear as well and do my ironing.

Moving forward

I maintained my weight this week at 13 stone 9llbs which given the dodgy days I've had this week is a touch. I had a great chat with my LLC , which I've found very useful I think maybe I was avoiding what I would regard as dodgy food like rice and pasta which I should now be having more regular than I have been. Hence why my body is wanting more food. I have been doing lots of exercise and working very hard and not really been eating food that will sub stain me. So starting tomorrow I'll be having rice, pasta or cous-cous with my evening meal. I've also bought some new scales that measure BMI and also body fat %, I'm going to use these to measure the results on an excell sheet and trace my history of management. All in all I'm very happy and relaxed tonight and looking forward to the next week. I also bought proper mature cheddar which I'm looking forward to having with spaghetti bolognaise tomorrow evening.

Having a tough evening..

I have eaten alot tonight I have eaten 2 packs of dried apricots and mixed nuts as well I should be feeling full but I'm wanting some chocolate now. I don't know what to do I could easily sit and eat a family bar of chocolate and I don't know whats the thoughts behind it. I feel pretty good at the moment I'm not bored and I'm not tired so I don't know whats going on. A bar of whole nut would taste so good right now. I'm thinking I deserve it seeing as I've been so good for so long and I've kept my weight under control this week. If I keep typing I will hopefully talk myself out of it. I'm going to go have a bath and chill for the rest of the evening and no chocolate.

good start to the week..

Well my strategy worked, I went out driving this afternoon but left my wallet at work so no grazing. I just had raw vegetables today and some fruit till I got home tonight when I had soup followed by steak and cous-cous. I'm going to have yogurt and fruit for afters then a chocolate shake before bed. I have got a short trip top make tomorrow so I'll get by no problem. The weather is pretty lousy at the moment but its only 20 minutes to cycle home even in the rain so again it re-in forces the fact that I'll be cycling all year round. Again I think if I keep exercising I will have few problems with my weight. I know it's all about good choices but I'm getting good at making them now. I might even go out for a little walk after I've had my yogurt, probably just the one circuit as its getting pretty late. I haven't got to get up till 5 tomorrow though so it'll make it a little easier. I'm having a positive week again so far I'm just hoping that these positive times can last longer as I get more comfortable with having them.

Unfortunately..

the scuba shop got flooded in all the rain on Friday so my scuba review has been postponed till the 18/08, abit disappointed to be honest but it will soon be here. Watched transmorphers last night what a load of rubbish that was. I bought a bike rack for my car yesterday so I'm taking the bike down to Worthing this morning and ride along the front before spending some time at my parents house.
I realised at the weekends I have really cut down on the amount of water I've been drinking, not on purpose it's just kinda happened so I'm going to turn that around and get it back up again. I'm aiming to lose weight again this week and this morning I'm 13 stone 8llbs which is a little up but not to bad I still have 4 days to go before weigh in, I just need to stay on track though and keep with it. I have to watch that I don't get to paranoid about it though which at times I'm in danger of doing. I'm eating a healthy sensible diet at the moment and that really hasn't got to change just because I finish the program. I have got to get used to the idea that what I'm eating now is normal food and I'm not depriving myself by eating it. There will be times when I eat high GI foods like pizza and take aways etc but they will be treats. I am not depriving myself of them at the moment, in fact I haven't missed them at all really. When I walk in the evenings I pass about 8 take away restaurants of different varieties and I don't stand there drooling in fact I look at the over weight people that you can guarantee are in the queue waiting to get served and think that used to be me, even when you see a car pull up outside, parking as close to the door as possible so they haven't got far to walk, it so used to be what I used to do.

Doing good..

I have gained so much from the previuos post and my thought log. It has allowed me to move on and dwell on the situation. In the past I would have got down and probably comfort ate my way through the weekend. Where as the new me was out cycling this morning, I done 24 miles which included hills for the first time. I cycled up a steep hill without stopping which felt very good. Hopefully I burnt off plenty of calories.
I have made a vegetable soup this morning which I'll be eating over the next few days. I had tinned salmon and cous cous for lunch followed by a pear. I am going to do a scuba diving reveiw this afternoon and probably join the club as well, I haven't dived for about 18 months so it will be good to get back into it. I'm going to Thailand in November so I am looking forward to doing some diving once there. The idea of diving here first is to build up my confidence and getting used to the equipment before diving over there.

My first thought log.

What happened :-
Got behind the wheel and headed off to Essex Stopped at the co-op and bought Grapes, mixed fruit and nuts and also dried apricots.
Stopped at BP and bought 6 bottles of Pepsi Max (bogof) I always buy extra Pepsi when its on offer for some reason.
Stuck in traffic on m25 ate all supplies and drank all drink.
Delivered load then headed back stopped in BP bought 4 bottles of Pepsi max and also large bag of mixed fruit and nuts and more dried fruit.
Ate all of them in one go stopped again at Tescos (less than 45 minutes later) and bought more fruit and nuts and dried Apricots. Continued to eat all of them until I felt so bloated and full I also had a stomach ache.

Hot thoughts :-

Need food to concentrate while driving Could get stuck in traffic with no supplies. Worried about being bored. Don't like my own company when no distractions. Feeling lonely. I need comfort when I'm alone. Food is my only comfort. Food will make me feel better.

How I felt :-

Felt guilty
Lonely
Defiant

What I did this time/would have done in the past:-

When feeling like this I binge, now it's on fruit and nuts in the past it would have been bread and chocolate or take away.

Evidence for Hot thoughts:-

Everyone in my life has left me at different times.Apart from my ex-wife the important people have always come back into my life.
Spent hours alone behind the wheel and have enjoyed my own company.

Evidence against hot thoughts:-

There's nothing wrong with my own company.
I'm not going to starve if I'm stuck in traffic without food.
Food isn't going to make me feel better or less alone it's a momentry distraction.
Food isn't going to actually stop me being alone in fact the opporsite is true in the end.

In the future:-

I'll turn the radio up.
Try and get out of driving for work.
Go for a walk (when I'm at home feeling like this) ( which I'm already doing)
Stop drinking Pepsi Max.
Leave my wallet at home or work so I have no money to spend.

I let myself down and binged..

I can't believe I've allowed myself to binge so much today, what's going on? I was out driving in the van again today and I've binged on nuts and dried fruit, to the point where I feel ill and have a stomach ache. I'm going to go out cycling in the morning and hopefully work off the extra calories. I will never take my wallet or any money with me when driving in future it's obviously my most serious trigger point and something I need to watch myself on. I'm going to do extra exercise this weekend and watch what I eat to hopefully get manage to get over this episode.

Doing good...

Weight this morning 13 stone 5llbs, heading in the right direction I did have a good walk but when I got home I had fruit and yogurt with some dried fruit, I didnt have to much though and I think with the exercise I'm doing I should be ok. I'm going to choose not to buy dried fruit for now when I'm shopping. I'm going to have to look at what to buy once the season starts to change and there's no more soft fruits available. I'm hoping for a positive day at work today I'm going to keep busy and hope that the day goes smoothly. I'm thinking about heading out tonight to meet Julian but I'm thinking I will skip it and hold off for this week. I'm hoping to lose a little more weight this week again. It's about seeing what I need to do to lose weight and manage it correctly.

Thursday..

I have just eaten my tea consisting of tuna and boiled eggs with a lot of salad then I've just had some dried apricots. I'm really full but in the mood to eat more, I'm going to go walking and hopefully the feeling will pass I'm not worried about eating more really it's just I'm full so its a mind thing that is making me wanting to eat. I don't need anymore food it's just boredom more than anything else. My day was pretty normal really I'm pleased with my WI in result last night and I'm not going to spoil it if I can help it.

Good news....

I had my weigh in tonight and I lost 4 llbs which is a good result, I need to keep it going now and do the sdame this next week. It's about making good choices and enjoying the feeling of controlling my weight. The exercise is doing me all the good in the world and it's my choice to keep it going. I've also registered to do the scuba diving refresher course on Saturday I've got some studying to do before then as well. I'm very pleased with my progress this week, I've also been shopping today and have not bought anything thats not on my list, again another good choice.

evening

I've had a good day today the driving was good and it worked leaving my money behind so I didnt graze. I have walked about 4 miles tonight which is great going I'm very pleased with myself. The best thing about today was I didn't have lunch I saved it till tonight so just had raw vegetables durring the day. I hope my mood will start to level out as I'm introducing food propperly. I'm not sure I can keep having down times at the weekends. I'm going to phone about the scuba diving tomorrow , hopefully I'll be able to join the club after and this will give me something to do at weeknds which will be good.

morning...

I'm just doing a quick post before work. I felt pretty down yesterday worrying about managing my weight I weighed 13 stone 8 llbs /86.4 kgs so I think I put weight a little weight on over the weekend so I need to find strategies to deal with Sundays and the boredom/ loneliness I'm going to phone about scuba diving today and hopefully get into that on Saturday and join the club as well. I'm positive about the future again this morning and also sure I'm losing inches rather than llbs whioch is a good thing.

Weighed in this morning and I'm 13 stone 10 pounds which is abit disheartening, I know I ate quite abit yesterday but it was all pretty healthy and I walked close to 8 miles and cycled for 5. I think buying the scales was a bad idea all it's managed to do is question everything about the diet and the future. I am not going to keep eating salads and fruit to the exstent I am now there has to be a time when I'll be able to eat normaly otherwise what's the point. I'm still thinking I have to be building muscle and that's where the weight is coming from, there's no way with all the exercise I'm doing that I'm over eating. I haven't had anything processed or anything like chocolate and biscuits this week at all and yet I haven't lost any weight, maybe I'm so far out with my estimation of what I can actually eat. I'm not going to let myself get down about it though I still think despite the scales not showing it that I'm losing fat and gaining muscle.

dodgy day...

I only cycled 5 miles this morning I had aching hips so decided to reat. I walked into Croydon though and also done 4 miles walking tonight as well. I have had the munchies today but kept to healthy choices. I'm hoping that with all this exercise I'm doing thnat I'll start seeing some results soon. I am feeling good though and my stomach is starting to tone up some what so at least the sit ups are having some effect. I'm going to chill in front of the tv now for an hour before bed. I got to be up at 4 again tomorrow morning. It's really humid tonight I'm dripping with sweat.

had a good day yesterday

Everything yesterday went pretty much as I hoped, I rode 20 miles first thing then did a big walk into Croydon shopping. Then yesterday afternoon I went to meet some freinds for a meal and a few drinks. I had a tuna nicoise salad and 3 glasses of wine. I really enjoyed it and when I got home I had smoked turkey salad followed by nana shakes and fruit. To be honest maybe to much fruit but nothing major.
I went out on the bike this morniung but my hips are really aching so I did a quick 20 minute circuit and I'll do the same later on in fact probably I'll try to do it twice more. My pc is slightly over heating so I'm going to lap the heatsink and re-apply the thermal compound correctly it appears that I have put on too much and this is having an adverse effect.
Mood wise I'm doing good this weekend, I think it's something that will improve with time as I put less pressure on myself. I weighed again this morning and was 85.8 kgs again I'm not so sure I should be weighing everyday but will keep it up for now and see what happens. I'm going to do quorn today with rice for the first time. I'll do it with curry powder and see how it turns out.

it's been a ...

good day and I'm feeling remarkably good today. I think it's because I'm focused I know where I'm heading and how to get there, I just need to keep making good choices and the weight will drop this week and I'll be learning how to manage my weight. I was full up tonight when eating my dinner so I stopped eating and threw the remains away, I'm going to go walking shortly and aim for 3 circuits which is around 6 miles. I'll be getting up early tomorrow and go for a long cycle. In the afternoon I'm meeting some old friends for a drink and a meal. I'm intending to make good choices in what I eat and drink. Then on Sunday I'm going to go cycling again before heading up to pole hill farm for some shopping, not to much though I'll do a list before I go I think.

It's friday

I bought new scales and will start weighing myself in the mornings now, today I was 85.8 kgs. It follows that you weigh less in the mornings so I'm going to try and do it at the same time everyday and post on here. I had a good day yesterday I made great choices all day and only ate good food last night at my Aunts. Was really great of my Uncle to do me something different to eat but I wouldn't have given in to the pizza last night I was feeling strong and good inside.
My sun burn is nearly all better now I just have a sore knee but it's improving all the time. I remembered late last night that I'm meeting up with old friends tomorrow afternoon which will bge great, again I'm going to make good choices and enjoy the fact that I am. It's our busiest day of the week at work today but I'm hoping everything goes to plan and runs smoothly.

head is straight again

Yesterday went as expected put on a further 3 llbs but it's ok I know what happened and more importantly why it happened and I'm going to learn and move on. I'm going to make this weekend a me weekend, I'm going to be looking after myself, eating well and exercising hard. I'm going to reverse the trend of the last couple of weeks and move back to where I want to be, making right choices and taking care of ME.
I'm heading down to Kent after work my Aunt and cousin are over from NZ. I haven't seen them since my visit a couple of years ago, I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be great catching up. I'm working in the office today, hopefully it'll be pretty busy and I won't get bored and the day will go quick.

the binge continues

I went out driving again today and ended up eating more biscuits and chocolate. I have a serious problem with binging and driving so from now on will leave my wallet behind. I don't know what will happen tomorrow but I'm going to choose to work hard this week and keep to good choices and lots of exercise over the next week and aim for a weight loss next week. I'm strong now and I know I can do it with patience and good choices. I am rebelling against the diet now I want to be able to be normal again and it's hard with everyone watching me and also watching myself, leading to rebellious child rearing up and sabotaging me. I need to be more adult about this and make good choices.

a hard post...

I had a difficult day yesterday I got sun burnt over the weekend, which was totally self inflicted but it led to me binging last night on biscuits and chocolate. I think the fact I allowed myself to get burnt on Saturday signaled to myself that I wasn't taking care of myself. This added to 2 incidents when comments were made by 2 people about what I was eating brought home the fact that people still think I'm dieting rather than supposedly eating again.
One of my strategies when I'm sat at home feeling alone and bored is to go out walking but due to being sun burnt I couldn't do it which allowed the thought of needing comfort food to fester and grow until I found myself in the shop buying biscuits then a return trip for chocolate. I didn't feel bad at the time about doing it and I did feel better but at the same time I think a walk would have resulted in the same feeling. I will be more careful of the sun in future and not get myself in the situation where I can't get up and go for a walk. I need to find some hobbies and other things to do in the evenings. I'm going to ring up about scuba diving today and give that a go. Also I'm going out cycling again tonight and hopefully through exercise work off the extra calories I ate last night.
I am still coming to terms with weight management and I'm still pushing boundaries. I at times feel I am rebelling against the 'diet' which is where the 2 comments come in, having said that it's going to be about me proving to people that have seen me eat to much in the past prove that I can manage my weight correctly. I think I have to prove this to myself as well, as part of this I'm going to choose in future if I feel like binging or over eating to get up and go walking or cycling till the feeling passes. I have bought only vegetables and fruit with me today and I'm going to make these last me today I need to be good to myself today and only eat healthy good foods and not over do it. Tonight I'm going to make lentil and vegetable soup which I will have for lunch doing the rest of the week also. I'm going cycling tonight and also I'll go out tomorrow night when I get home from WI. I'm seriously scared about my WI tomorrow now I will tell Jo and the group what happened and hopefully get some advice as to whats going on. I'm going to continue to think about whats going inside today and post again tonight. I'm not going to beat myself up over this, along as I don't waste this opportunity to learn from this episode then it's not a bad thing. It's up to me to choose a better path in future and move to the positive choice of weight managment rather than weight guilt.

need to work at...

Had a terrific day yesterday watching the Tour De France, I had a burger and chips in the afternoon but they was organic and I didn't have anything else till the evening. I was pleased with myself in the evening ordering salad bowl but ordered more than 1 trip (old habits ) then went 3 times each time having thousand island dressing, which i can bet was high calorie. The disappointing thing was coming home and steaming into nuts and dried fruit yet again. For now I'm not going to buy anymore, just till I work out a way of dealing with grazing. I'm doing really well and I'm very proud of myself but there's obviously things I have got to look at. Grazing when alone is obviously one of these things. The adoptive child comes to the fore and I'm definitely rebelling against the diet. I will have to look at things after the diet has finished and see what happens then. I will have to choose carefully.
I got very sun burnt yesterday and I'm pretty sore on my legs,I'm normally very careful and always use sun block. I think deep down I was hoping that now I've lost weight my body would also deal with the sun differently, well I'm sorry to say it doesn't lol. Back to the sun block for me from now on.

when alone....

Had a busy day yesterday I drove down to Exeter I forgot how far it was and just how hard it was driving that far I was pretty stiff by the time I got back. I grazed all day nothing not on the program but just lots of fruit and grapes and nuts. I'm starting to realise the time I graze most is when I'm alone this came to light yesterday I spent most of the day on my own and grazed constantly. I'm going to find out about a scuba diving club next week and start finding myself things to do in the evenings. I'm going to try and find some strategies to help me deal with this better. I'm confident now that I can make the right choices with the types of foods I eat it's more the amounts I need to look at and work at.
I have been out and cycled 14 miles this morning it was great and really enjoyable I also came home and exercised. I meeting freinds today and going and watching the prologue, which should be great specially as the sun looks like it has arrived finally. Will maybe be having a few drinks later on as well.

Off delivering tomorrow.....

I'm off to Exeter tomorrow doing a delivery and after today it's going to be a test I think. I was driving today just local up London I really struggled and had to get something to eat. I bought some grapes but obviously topmorrow will be different because of the time I'll be driving. I will take my lunch and raw vegetables as normal and get some Pepsi Max to drink and a bottle of water. I'l have a good breakfast and take an some apples as well. It will be a good test to see how I cope with driving that far. I'm off for a walk very soon, 2 circuits is the aim and then get some salad from tescos on the way back. I'l pop into the co-op for the Pepsi seeing as its bogof. I made lentil soup today for the first time and wow its fantastic I can't believe I haven't tried it before.

it had to happen...

I finally put on 3 lbs at weigh in tonight but the positive thing is I've lost 2 inches off my waist measurement. I have been cycling and walking alot and my legs are really bulking up, I have also been doing sit-ups and press-ups in the mornings as well. I'm going to do better with the choices I make this week and get back to the program. No custard creams this week and see what happens next week before I start with trigger foods. I'm going to carry on in the great positive frame of mind that I have been in the last few weeks.

oops I forgot

Big weigh in tomorrow but feeling very positive, I'm feeling very trim and have been excercising hard. The cycling is going great as is the walking in the evenings which I normally do 4 miles. It's raining really hard right now but hopefully it'll stop and I can walk again tonight. Work has been really busy so far this week and I'm having to start at 5 as again tomorrow. It's amazing I got to drive to work tomorrow because of going on to my weigh in after but I'm really going to miss cycling, it's avery strange but feels really good. I cycled home tonight in the rain and I wore my shorts and it really didn't make any odds and I was home in 20 minutes so really doesn't make a difference.

still working it out..

I've had a good weekend but I'm still in the situation that given the chance I graze badly. I went into a garage yesterday and bought a bag of mixed fruit and nuts, with the intention of having a few while driving down to kent. Erm ended up eating the whole bag and thats the biggest problem I got to get around. I have to choose not to buy the bag in the first place. I think I'm definately in a learning stage right now and I'm pushing bounderies I'm kind of waiting to be at the point where I put on some pounds and then I'l know. The excercise I'm doing is allowing me to push the enverlope I think and eat more than I should be doing. As long as I keep exercising it's of course fine but what happens if I get back to being lazy. I guess the choice is mine to make and I got to keep up the work, it don't take that long and truth be known I really enjoy it.