Made it

through the week, just about got myself down weight wise to where I aim to be. I have eaten alittle more this week but nothing that would be a bad choice. I'm happy that I can do this apart from the fact I would like to be doing it 5 lbs lighter. I'm not going out this weekend so intend to just keep my head down, make good choices and slowly drop them 5 lbs over the next couple of weeks. I'm going out cycling again with Kevin on Sunday, again for around 37 miles I think is the plan. I'm definately going to invest in a propper road bike, I'm worth the investment and I will make good use of the bike. I'm hoping to eventually know my body well enough to be able to weigh myself once a week but I'm not at that point yet. I need the constent reminder at the moment just to keep my choices honest, I still think about making bad choices more often than I want to be, I am getting better at saying NO though and I'm sure it will get easier with practice.
I keep looking in the mirror and thinking I'm getting bigger but my weight and the tape measure tell me different, I look and feel very healthy I just need to take that fact on board more.

was doing so welll...

then I started getting cocky and thinking that I could cope with just having 2 cookies and that was the a huge mistake. 1 thing lead to another and I found myself binging like mad. I am now purging which isn't the best thing for me to be doing but I prefer to do that rather than leave my stomach full of calories. I will work this out I am well on the way to sorting this out I know it.
My weekend until tonight had been a great success I had been out both Saturday and Sunday and socialised without going out of control. I am pretty sure if I keep this up I will work this out and say good bye to binging. I'm still going to stay positive and not have a downer on myself.

I did on a better note step up my exercise, the purchase of the heart monitor is going to be a great investment. I have relised that I need to peddle a whole lot faster to get my heart rate higher and therefore really burn the calories and get fitter. I have bought new shoes and peddles which are clip ons rather than straps. I think that once my new card arrives I'll be buying a racer, I will definately make use of it cycling with Kevin on Sundays and training myself during the week.

busy day ahead...

I'm very pleased with myself I had a great day yesterday and I just ate like a normal person and I wasn't hungry and I didn't over eat. I wish I'd slept a little better but waking up did give me the opportunity to re-hydrate. I feel really good this morning and I'm ready to faces the days challenges. I'm meet a couple of m8's this morning to go for a cycle ride, he reckons about 30 miles which will be my longest yet but I'm looking forward to it. I haven't really had chance to reflect about yesterday morning but I have good feelings about it so it must have been good. I will hopefully have time to look back and post my thoughts later today or tomorrow.

This afternoon I'm heading for a bbq round a friends house which hopefully will be a laugh, it's mainly ppl from work but it will e nice to relax with them away from work and just chill out.

start of

a long weekend I weigh 13 st 10 lb this morning so still maintaining and doing good. My heart rate monitor has arrived and it's been an eye opener, my heart rate is very low even it appears when I'm attempting to jog lol. I need to work at it if I'm going to get anywhere with it. I will try it while cycling tomorrow but I'm thinking I'm going to have to work a lot harder to get in the propper zone. I guess that could explain while I haven't really lost much weight despite cycling everyday.
I'm going to get hypnotised this morning, I'm feeling a little aprehensive but also excited, I think it's going to be helpful sorting out my ghosts fro my past and sorting out things that shaped me. I'll keep posting on here as to what happens. Looks like the sun has finally arrived for the weekend, I'm meeting Ray this afternoon and some friends for drinks and something to eat up at Hampstead.
I had a good day yesterday I was out driving and did get the munchies in the morning but I just bought a couple punnets of strawberries and ate them. They were very nice and filled me up and got me through the day. I also had a pasty from the oggy oggy cornish pasty van it was fantastic and very high quality. Once home last night I had a peice of snapper and some kale followed by low fat greek yogurt. A very nice tea and very low calorie.

Making it..

through the week in a calm and controlled manor, I even had my wallet at home with me but no binging took place. I'm maintaining my weight at 13 st 11 lb although I would like to be a little lighter it's still a very good place to be. Work yesterday went very well and hopefully today will follow suit. I'm hoping to finsih work earlish so I can go down the market for some shopping. I'm looking forward to the weekend it's going to be pretty busy. Again it's going to be a learning one with I hope me using strategies to get me through any dodgy times.

Coping well..

having left my wallet in safe keeping I have made it to Tuesday with no binging and I fully intend to make it to the weekend. I have got a busy weekend coming up meeting friends for meals and drinks, which I'm looking forward to knowing that I can control myself as regards what I drink and if I make good choices what I eat also. I'm going to bed shortly and have a good night's sleep.

Survived

I made it through today making good choices, it's only day 1 but I'm going to work through this and move forward. I know some where within me the answer lies waiting for me to discover it. I bought a new fridge freezer and it's all in and working correctly. It's alot better as the fridge part is high up and the freezer bit is down the bottom.It means I can see what I have got in the fridge so hopefully I'll have less going out of date. I'm out in the lorry tomorrow but I'm going to take plenty of vegertables with me and a couple of pitta breads with chicken and salad. I'm going to get tuna out for tomorrow evening.

that didn't gop

as planned I've ended up binging again this afternoon. I really need to work something out before I make myself ill. There's no way I want to put the weigfht back on but if I'm not careful and keep making the wrong choices I will thats for certain. I'm feeling so dispondent right now. It's as though I can't do any time alone with myself. I need some strategies that will see me through this, I never used to binge in this manner before I need to some how break the cycle.

It's Sunday

I had a very good day yesterday, the session with my hypno therapist went well, although he could do full hypnosis because I'd saved a file wrongly that I had filled out wrongly and he couldn't read it. We did set up an anchor point which is something I have got to practice with and re-inforce it, ready for next week.
Later on I completed my scuba diving review course sucessfully, again I'm very pleased with myself and I think I'm going to join the club and do some other dives before my holiday. I was about to head out cycling this morning but spotted my front wheel spindle is lose, unfortunately I haven't got the correct spanners to tighten it till later on. I have cycled pretty much everyday for the last couple of months so I think it may do my muscles some good to get some rest.
On a positive not my weight was 13 st 10 lb this morning which is a good feeling. I have been reading up on diets and healthy eating, I calculated using a formular that I should be having 2900 calories a day which seamed pretty high but I checked again and it was correct. I am going to eat more regularly but smaller portions and also less in the evenings. As a treat today I have got roast beef with sweet potatoe and cabbage which I'm really looking forward to. I'm going to have a relaxed and chilled day today and stay cool and calm.

My hardest day

Yesterday was my hardest day I have had since losing my weight, It was a really long day I had to drive to plymouth, setting off at just before midday. The traffic was terrible on the way down but to be honest I planned to bing before I even left and thats exactly what I did, I binged alday long as I drove not getting back till midnight. I purged as well so it was a real day of self abuse. I can't believe that something I used to do, driving has turned into such a trigger for binging but that's exactly what a\ppears to have happened.

I have got my first session of hyphnopherapy this morning so will post how that goes when I get back. Followed by scuba diving refresher course this afternoon so that will keep me busy today.

First day....

off the LL diet and I made a wrong choice tonight and listened to my inner chatterbox which convinced me I wanted chocolate biscuits which I promptly ate. I then purged which was something I think I had in the back of my mind. I really didn't want them and I gave in far to easy. In future I'm going to act earlier as soon as my chatterbox starts I'm going to have a bath or go for a walk. I know I can do this I have been so successful losing the weight and more importantly getting myself in to top shape it would be so wrong to sabotage myself over something that I don't even want. The time has come for my adult to take the front and sort out inner feelings determined to hurt me.

Just a quick..

My weight this morning for my last WI is 13 st 10lb I'm a little disapointed but I know I can work at it over the next few weeks and months and get down to where I'm choosing to be. It's going to be a good day today I'm feeling positive about myself and the situation I am in. I'm picking up useful tips on self sabotage from minimuns which I'l be using in the future.

Monday ...

I made 13 st 8 lb today so I've done really well over the weekend, I ate pretty normally really as my mum was cooking. I think I'm still building up my muscles otherwise I think I'd maybe lose a little more weight. I'm not complaining though I have done really well and I'm happy with what I'm doing in terms of exercising and what I have been eating. I spent the day driving and it went really well I found my own company rather satisfying for a nice change. Hopefully this is how things are going to be moving forward. I have got a big weekend coming up, I'm going to get hypnotised on saturday and look back into my past, I have got no idea whats going to happen or whats involved but I trust my councillor so I know it's going to be fine.

Interesting days...

I have had a good couple of days apart from really bad traffic on the roads yesterday. I met my life coach yesterday and it went really well, he also does hypnotherapy as well and to start with we are going to have a look back at my past. It's abit scary to think about dealing with some issues but I got on well with him and he seams to know his stuff. I've been down my mum's for the rest of the weekend and it's been nice and relaxing. I went cycling yesterday and again this morning I completed 13 miles yesterday and 20 this morning, I'm feeling really good and positive I do get a real buzz from exercising these days. I'm going to have a chilled out day today before heading home later tonight. I have got to go out delivering tomorrow so with luck I'll have a good day tomorrow as well. I have got some reading to do now, Mohamed my life coach gave me some rules I have to read every morning as soon as I get up. I've also been reading about exercise and the getting some tips on the best way to do it. I haven't had any drink this weekend so hopefully I'll be getting nearer to my target of 13 st 7 lb by the time I go for my last LL weigh in on Wednesday.

looking forward..

I had a good day today I managed to resist most temptations and also done a good walk tonight as well. I'm looking forward to the weekend it could prove to be very positive as regards the future. Tomorrow will if I make good choices be a good day, it's a matter of thinking before I speak and keeping my emotions calm and collected. This week so far is proving to be a lot more positive compared to the last 2 weeks which have been difficult, on the plus side though I survived and learnt some valuable things about myself and the choices that are available to me and more importantly their outcomes. I'm sure with practice good choices will get easier to make especially knowing what the alternative choice leads to and the hard work invlved in getting back to where I want to be.

A hard day.

Well after today the decision is made no more drinking large amounts of drink. I have been so down today and last night as well and of course this has led to me binging. I'm going to make my excuses and not go to WI on Wednesday I have got enough packs to keep me going. I am going to not have soft fruit just apples and pears with all bran for breakfast. I'm going to experiment for a full 2 weeks and see how much my weight moves and how much I can get down to. It's more for peace of mind I guess knowing if I do put some weight on with a little commitment by me I can get the weight back off. It's been really rough today I am tired also I need to be sleeping more at weekends and getting some rest. I'm out in the lorry most of the day tomorrow I'm leaving my money behind but I know I'll be just fine, it will do me good I'm just going to take raw vegetables and a soup. I really ate alot today, in fact it hurt me alot doing it and seeing my colleagues laugh, I am going to make different choices from now on and do my best not to have days like today, it's only myself I'm hurting the sooner I take that fact on board the better off I'll be. I having a very ealy night tonight as I'm also very tired which has just added to things today.

Good weekend....

Had a great weekend apart from I ate and drank to much. I walked this morning for about 6 miles as well I'm not going to weigh myself before Wednesday. I'm just going to work hard at exercising and reducing what I eat. I'm just going to have chili soup at lunch with raw vegetables and dips. I'm also going to cycle each evening as well including tonight hopefully around 10 miles, it's going to be a test to see just how the exercise I'm doing reacts with the food I'm eating. After Wednesday I'm going to have 2 shakes a day and no soft fruit and see what happens to my weight. I'm going down to mum's at the weekend to keep myself busy. I'll take my bike down with me I think and have a good cycle as well along the coast. Back to the weekend it went really well apart from the amount I ate last night it was mostly protein though, I'm really not sure how I'm going to work this out I need to come up with a strategy to deal with bingiung otherwise long term I think it will get harder and harder keeping on target. I'm hoping if I keep reading the posts on minimins then I'll get some helpful tips.

small steps

I let myself down again last night binging on dried fruit and nuts again, I'm going to choose not to buy these things in future, I fool myself into believing I'm in control and buy things that push comes to shove I'm going to binge on. I went out on the bike this morning early and cycled 23 miles including beckingham hill and also Crystal palace hill which I'm really pleased about. I'm feeling good right now within myself the exercise is definitely becoming abit of a buzz. This bodes well for the future and hopefully will make the choice to go cycling an easier one, specially when the dark nights start to appear.
I'm going to make a shopping list this week to shop with and I'm going to start buying less. I have definitely got to much stuff in the fridge and cupboards. I'm looking forward to this afternoon and some family time it's about time started to get myself out and about with them all. I'm going there today as an equal which is something I've never felt before and to be honest it feels good. The weather is fantastic today and I'm going to remember to put sun lotion this time I'm not going to get caught again. I'm going to pick my sister-in-law up on the way down to Kent so hopefully it'l be roof down and off we go it'll be good to have a chat with her she understands binging and where I'm coming from and often has sound advice.

got a day off..

today, which I'm looking forward to, I have got a blood test this morning but once that's over the day will be my own. I'm going to go out cycling shortly before the test then come home for some breakfast. I'm going to go shopping in town then threes some sort of market. I am feeling a little less confident about self control I know I have got to work at choosing better and keeping an eye on my weight although its only moving up and down by a lb or 2. I've decided that 14 st is going to be my top target if I hit that then I know I need to do some hard work to get back down.

I escaped

I had a good weigh in, I only put on a lb. I did confess all to the group though which brought it all home to me, it was a scary amount of food I put away over the weekend and I have been very lucky to escape with such a little gain. I have definitely taken it on board and will make different choices in the future. Work went really well today, the day passed really quickly and I kewpt really busy. I hope tomorrow goes just as well, theres a few things to get sorted out tomorrow before my day off on Friday. I'm off to bed now I got an early start tomorrow.