a hard post...

I had a difficult day yesterday I got sun burnt over the weekend, which was totally self inflicted but it led to me binging last night on biscuits and chocolate. I think the fact I allowed myself to get burnt on Saturday signaled to myself that I wasn't taking care of myself. This added to 2 incidents when comments were made by 2 people about what I was eating brought home the fact that people still think I'm dieting rather than supposedly eating again.
One of my strategies when I'm sat at home feeling alone and bored is to go out walking but due to being sun burnt I couldn't do it which allowed the thought of needing comfort food to fester and grow until I found myself in the shop buying biscuits then a return trip for chocolate. I didn't feel bad at the time about doing it and I did feel better but at the same time I think a walk would have resulted in the same feeling. I will be more careful of the sun in future and not get myself in the situation where I can't get up and go for a walk. I need to find some hobbies and other things to do in the evenings. I'm going to ring up about scuba diving today and give that a go. Also I'm going out cycling again tonight and hopefully through exercise work off the extra calories I ate last night.
I am still coming to terms with weight management and I'm still pushing boundaries. I at times feel I am rebelling against the 'diet' which is where the 2 comments come in, having said that it's going to be about me proving to people that have seen me eat to much in the past prove that I can manage my weight correctly. I think I have to prove this to myself as well, as part of this I'm going to choose in future if I feel like binging or over eating to get up and go walking or cycling till the feeling passes. I have bought only vegetables and fruit with me today and I'm going to make these last me today I need to be good to myself today and only eat healthy good foods and not over do it. Tonight I'm going to make lentil and vegetable soup which I will have for lunch doing the rest of the week also. I'm going cycling tonight and also I'll go out tomorrow night when I get home from WI. I'm seriously scared about my WI tomorrow now I will tell Jo and the group what happened and hopefully get some advice as to whats going on. I'm going to continue to think about whats going inside today and post again tonight. I'm not going to beat myself up over this, along as I don't waste this opportunity to learn from this episode then it's not a bad thing. It's up to me to choose a better path in future and move to the positive choice of weight managment rather than weight guilt.