Yesterday..

Had a binge day yesterday I'm going to list exactly what I ate 10:00 I bought a whole cooked chicken and a 500 gram bag of dried apricots and 4 liters of Pepsi max. I ate and drank all these before stopping further on at Tesco's and buying 2 bags of there 4 pack of cookies I ate them as well and by then I had drank 4 liters of Pepsi.I then pulled over and purged on the side of the road giving myself a terrible stomach ache and when I returned to work I had been out driving which is definitely the trigger for all this I believe. I went home I didn't cycle I got the tram stopping on the stopped to by French bread and some cheese. I had really bad wind on the way home but this seemed to ease my stomach ache so I'm guessing the cause was trapped air from all the Pepsi. Once home I had half the baton with cheese and 2 burgers followed by the other half with gammon, cheese and pickle. I then ate 4 muller rices and then purged again. I then went out and bought a 400 gram bar of whole nut which I ate while driving around once I'd eaten it I went to Tescos again but this time I left without buying anything It was a case of telling myself pretty forcefully that it was enough and I wasn't having anymore. Once home I purged again.
I had a date on Sunday which I know deep down the girl isn't really interested and although I didn't feel bad about it maybe I did. I'm trying to think how I was feeling yesterday, looking for reasons for the binge. Taking money with me while driving in something I shouldn't do I don't know if it's the loneliness or the boredom but if I got money then I binge. Fortunately I don't have to drive that often now and I will not be taking money with me when going driving. It's the strangest feeling while it's going on there's no debate I was looking at the cookies in Tescos and I bought 2 bags there was no need or logical reason for this I just did, it was exactly the same when I was buying the chocolate I already decided I would need 2 x 250 gram bars but there was a 400 gram bar so it got bought, there's no inner argument going on, there's not 2 voices arguing it's just bought and then eaten.
There's no feeling of guilt or feeling bad this morning anymore than there is at the time and I know today I won't feel like doing the same I'll just be back to making good choices and eating sensibly, it's just like I let go drop all controls and reason and just stuff myself. I was trying to do a thought log when I got home and that was the problem there was no thought, no argument just total loss of self control. This morning I feel fine it has been over 2 weeks since my last binge so maybe the need to binge is becoming less or maybe it's I hadn't been in the situation where I was able to lose control like that.