Going up and down around the 14 st mark. I wish I could just drop that 5- 6 lbs and then sit happily at around 13 st 7 lbs. If I just stick with it I'll get there I'm doing good at the moment and it does depend what I eat. I have definitely got to stay away from cookies they seam to add weight straight away and I need to exercise more in the week, cycling to work is good but it's not really enough to work myself properly like I will do today. Last night went well and I am really finding social situations are getting easier I should really had stayed last night and enjoyed the rest of the evening, it was an old habit that meant that I wanted to leave early but this will improve with practice I am sure. I'm going cycling this morning with Richard and then I'm meeting up with Ray for the Brick lane festival, which promises to be interesting and will keep me busy for the day.
My session yesterday went very wel and while looking at sadness I actually went back to when I was born and the way I felt sad durring that time, I did spend alot of time in an incubator when I was first born and I'm guessing it was that which led to the feelings I had. Mohamed said they were probably other peoples feeling around me that were being pushed in my direction and I was picking them up.Thinking about it there was a lot of sadness around when I was born there was the time I was actually born and was very ill, then my older cousin died when I was 3, he was born with holes in his heart. I dont really remember him but I did remember feeling really sad around this time. My brother was being born also around this time and according to mum she was in hospital for a long time before he was born, again more sadness on my part although to be fare I didn't really get that yesterday so maybe it will be another feeling. Next week we will be looking at Fear I'm not really sure where looking at this will lead. I'm starting to build a picture of my timeline when I'm looking at it which is pretty interesting, I always though I had a good imagination but lately I don't seasm to be able to picture things in my mind like I used to, I'm still trying to practice at this though.

Saturday

I'm starting to come to terms with relaxing abit about what I eat, I'm still weighing myself daily which is probably not a good thing. I am going down for a proper weigh in with LL on Wednesday, I think after that I'm definitely going to start weighing weekly. I will continue to use the food diary website though and work out my calories intake from there. I was not eating enough according to the site and have upped my intake this week. This hasn't led to me putting on any weight so far. I have got a busy day ahead again, this morning I have got my appointment with my councillor this week we are doing time line therapy again this time looking at sadness, I haven't really looked at this as I had quite a surprising reaction when he mentioned it last week. I didn't really want to look at it again away from the calmness of his office.

This afternoon I'm going to meet Friends for a meal and then watch the football.

mid week blues maybe?

Not entirely sure what got into me today but I've had a day of picking. I had sausage and chips for lunch then preceded to munch through 6 custard creams and 8 digestives during the afternoon. Tonight I have been to the scuba diving club, it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be but it wasn't to bad. I had 2 burger king burgers (BOGOF) for dinner tonight but didn't eat the buns.
I was thinking of stopping weighing myself everyday and not do it again till next Wednesday when I go back to my LL meeting but I'm not sure I trust myself and I really don't want to get there and find I've put on weight, so maybe I'll wait till next week to do that. Hopefully I got my munchies day out of the way today and things will be easier tomorrow, I'm going to choose not to have any biscuits tomorrow and keep to good choices.

slipped

I've slipped this evening, I was doing some shopping and went back 5 times before actually buying the cookies from the co-op which I ate on the way home, not before spending 10 minutes moping around Tesco’s metro deciding between chocolate, biscuits and minstrels ( buy 2 for £2) the minstrels won and I've eaten them. I really had a battle before convincing myself to buy them. It is getting harder to talk myself into it I think which is a good thing. I have purged once I'd eaten them all which I know is the wrong thing to do but I don't want to put weight back on. I think I'll talk to my councillor about this on Saturday, I'm guessing I'll make it through the rest of the week without slipping and continue managing successfully. I'm sure deep down I'm slowly winning the argument with myself and I will come out the other side.
I also bought a new racing bike this morning which I'll get in about 10 days it's so I can continue cycling with Kevin and Richard at the weekends and also I can do more training during the week. I haven't got to do early mornings with work anymore, well except for Monday mornings. Once I get the bike I'm aiming to go out 2 early mornings a week and cycle around 20 miles before then going to work. I'm so nearly where I want to be if I could just sort out these binging sessions then I'd be able to move forward.

great day !!

I've had a very good day today, I cycled 37 miles again this morning which was abit tougher than last week but I managed really well. I then went down to mum's and we went out for dinner. I had a carvery with loads of vegetables and no sweet which was great. I did a littlke experiment after that I bought some green and black chocolate to try, I was very impressed and it didn't trigger a binge either. It's something I'll use as a strategy in the future. I'm hoping for further weight loss tomorrow but we'll see what happens best thing about today was at no time have I felt bloated or full.

positivity

Feeling like I'm starting to get it, big light bulb moment get through the first 20 minutes once I've finished eating and the need for more food passes and green & blacks hot chocolate is a real treat and I'm going to treat it as a treat for myself late evening but not every night. I'm meeting Kevin and Richard this morning for our cycle ride, I'm looking forward to it despite it being the second time and I know what to expect lol. After I'm heading down to mum's for dinner which will be good I think. I haven't seen them for a few weeks so it will be good to touch base with them.
My session yesterday with Mohamed was good we didn't look back at feelings because we covered other things such as why I don't see memories as pictures but I feel memories which was bothering me slightly but it seems that we all see memories in didn't ways. Next week we are going to be looking at the first time I felt sadness. We also did ego building which is something I will re-inforce this week its where I look back and pick positive memories and bring the feeling forward to now and then move them into the future, it's a very good feeling once the session is finished, I felt so calm and relaxed.

1 st of September

I'm feeling very positive and relaxed, the future is looking bright. I'm slowly starting to become more relaxed about my weight and the food I choose to eat, which in turn is making choices easier. There's less to rebel at if the choice is relaxed and un-demanding. I'm on track to slowly work my way down to 13 st 7 lb losing about another 1lb over the last couple of days. I bought some Green & Black organic chocolate drink last night and was very impressed not only by the taste but the fact it didn't trigger the need for more. I might by a bar next time I'm out shopping, it would be great if the bar had the same effect.
This morning I have my session with my councillor, following which I'll go down to the market to do some shopping, I'm not entirely sure what to have for my dinner tonight yet. I think I'll check out the fishmongers and see what they have got that looks nice. I'm going to buy a few more vegetables today and get more in the habit of micro-waving them to have with my tea in the evenings. I won't want to keep eating salads come the winter.