a hard post...

I had a difficult day yesterday I got sun burnt over the weekend, which was totally self inflicted but it led to me binging last night on biscuits and chocolate. I think the fact I allowed myself to get burnt on Saturday signaled to myself that I wasn't taking care of myself. This added to 2 incidents when comments were made by 2 people about what I was eating brought home the fact that people still think I'm dieting rather than supposedly eating again.
One of my strategies when I'm sat at home feeling alone and bored is to go out walking but due to being sun burnt I couldn't do it which allowed the thought of needing comfort food to fester and grow until I found myself in the shop buying biscuits then a return trip for chocolate. I didn't feel bad at the time about doing it and I did feel better but at the same time I think a walk would have resulted in the same feeling. I will be more careful of the sun in future and not get myself in the situation where I can't get up and go for a walk. I need to find some hobbies and other things to do in the evenings. I'm going to ring up about scuba diving today and give that a go. Also I'm going out cycling again tonight and hopefully through exercise work off the extra calories I ate last night.
I am still coming to terms with weight management and I'm still pushing boundaries. I at times feel I am rebelling against the 'diet' which is where the 2 comments come in, having said that it's going to be about me proving to people that have seen me eat to much in the past prove that I can manage my weight correctly. I think I have to prove this to myself as well, as part of this I'm going to choose in future if I feel like binging or over eating to get up and go walking or cycling till the feeling passes. I have bought only vegetables and fruit with me today and I'm going to make these last me today I need to be good to myself today and only eat healthy good foods and not over do it. Tonight I'm going to make lentil and vegetable soup which I will have for lunch doing the rest of the week also. I'm going cycling tonight and also I'll go out tomorrow night when I get home from WI. I'm seriously scared about my WI tomorrow now I will tell Jo and the group what happened and hopefully get some advice as to whats going on. I'm going to continue to think about whats going inside today and post again tonight. I'm not going to beat myself up over this, along as I don't waste this opportunity to learn from this episode then it's not a bad thing. It's up to me to choose a better path in future and move to the positive choice of weight managment rather than weight guilt.

need to work at...

Had a terrific day yesterday watching the Tour De France, I had a burger and chips in the afternoon but they was organic and I didn't have anything else till the evening. I was pleased with myself in the evening ordering salad bowl but ordered more than 1 trip (old habits ) then went 3 times each time having thousand island dressing, which i can bet was high calorie. The disappointing thing was coming home and steaming into nuts and dried fruit yet again. For now I'm not going to buy anymore, just till I work out a way of dealing with grazing. I'm doing really well and I'm very proud of myself but there's obviously things I have got to look at. Grazing when alone is obviously one of these things. The adoptive child comes to the fore and I'm definitely rebelling against the diet. I will have to look at things after the diet has finished and see what happens then. I will have to choose carefully.
I got very sun burnt yesterday and I'm pretty sore on my legs,I'm normally very careful and always use sun block. I think deep down I was hoping that now I've lost weight my body would also deal with the sun differently, well I'm sorry to say it doesn't lol. Back to the sun block for me from now on.

when alone....

Had a busy day yesterday I drove down to Exeter I forgot how far it was and just how hard it was driving that far I was pretty stiff by the time I got back. I grazed all day nothing not on the program but just lots of fruit and grapes and nuts. I'm starting to realise the time I graze most is when I'm alone this came to light yesterday I spent most of the day on my own and grazed constantly. I'm going to find out about a scuba diving club next week and start finding myself things to do in the evenings. I'm going to try and find some strategies to help me deal with this better. I'm confident now that I can make the right choices with the types of foods I eat it's more the amounts I need to look at and work at.
I have been out and cycled 14 miles this morning it was great and really enjoyable I also came home and exercised. I meeting freinds today and going and watching the prologue, which should be great specially as the sun looks like it has arrived finally. Will maybe be having a few drinks later on as well.

Off delivering tomorrow.....

I'm off to Exeter tomorrow doing a delivery and after today it's going to be a test I think. I was driving today just local up London I really struggled and had to get something to eat. I bought some grapes but obviously topmorrow will be different because of the time I'll be driving. I will take my lunch and raw vegetables as normal and get some Pepsi Max to drink and a bottle of water. I'l have a good breakfast and take an some apples as well. It will be a good test to see how I cope with driving that far. I'm off for a walk very soon, 2 circuits is the aim and then get some salad from tescos on the way back. I'l pop into the co-op for the Pepsi seeing as its bogof. I made lentil soup today for the first time and wow its fantastic I can't believe I haven't tried it before.

it had to happen...

I finally put on 3 lbs at weigh in tonight but the positive thing is I've lost 2 inches off my waist measurement. I have been cycling and walking alot and my legs are really bulking up, I have also been doing sit-ups and press-ups in the mornings as well. I'm going to do better with the choices I make this week and get back to the program. No custard creams this week and see what happens next week before I start with trigger foods. I'm going to carry on in the great positive frame of mind that I have been in the last few weeks.

oops I forgot

Big weigh in tomorrow but feeling very positive, I'm feeling very trim and have been excercising hard. The cycling is going great as is the walking in the evenings which I normally do 4 miles. It's raining really hard right now but hopefully it'll stop and I can walk again tonight. Work has been really busy so far this week and I'm having to start at 5 as again tomorrow. It's amazing I got to drive to work tomorrow because of going on to my weigh in after but I'm really going to miss cycling, it's avery strange but feels really good. I cycled home tonight in the rain and I wore my shorts and it really didn't make any odds and I was home in 20 minutes so really doesn't make a difference.

still working it out..

I've had a good weekend but I'm still in the situation that given the chance I graze badly. I went into a garage yesterday and bought a bag of mixed fruit and nuts, with the intention of having a few while driving down to kent. Erm ended up eating the whole bag and thats the biggest problem I got to get around. I have to choose not to buy the bag in the first place. I think I'm definately in a learning stage right now and I'm pushing bounderies I'm kind of waiting to be at the point where I put on some pounds and then I'l know. The excercise I'm doing is allowing me to push the enverlope I think and eat more than I should be doing. As long as I keep exercising it's of course fine but what happens if I get back to being lazy. I guess the choice is mine to make and I got to keep up the work, it don't take that long and truth be known I really enjoy it.